Be Brave Enough to Start a Conversation That Matters

How much time did you spend planning your wedding? Or your divorce, for that matter? What about your kid’s bat mitzvah? Your 50th birthday? Your retirement? Adopting a child? And I know you didn’t wait until your baby was crowning to educate yourself on labor and delivery.

We put a lot of thought and planning into life’s beginning and middle, so why not the end? Alright, so it’s not as fun and it’s not as easy but it’s just as important.

Most of us are sheltering-in-place right now which seems as good a time as any to talk about this stuff that no one wants to talk about. We’re all going to die. Maybe now, more than any other time in your life, you are aware of this inevitability. If you’re lucky to have escaped a serious illness or accident, then this may be the first time you’ve had to stare down your mortality. And while I know this is a delicate subject, I feel compelled to say this today: end-of-life decisions should not be made at the end of life.

So if you’re reading this, or heck, if someone is reading this to you, it’s not too late. In fact, you’re right on time. Adults of all ages (and regardless of health status) should be planning ahead of a crisis and the best way to do this is to complete your Advance Directives.

Advance Directives (or Advance Care Plans) are documents that allow you to state your decisions about end-of-life care. These forms are about you and your body. Not to be confused with your Last Will and Testament, which is about your stuff. There are two components to Advance Directives; choosing a healthcare power of attorney and signing a living will. That’s it. Fairly straightforward. Completing your directives will alleviate confusion and provide a practical, legal way for you to tell your family (of origin or chosen), your friends, and your healthcare team how you want things to go at the end of your life.

So, take a moment now and ask yourself the following questions, then record the answers. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t have to cover everything, just get started. Scratch a few notes on a napkin, send them in an email to your best friend, dictate into your phone, make a short video, you catch my drift.

• What is most important to me in my life?
• What makes my life meaningful?
• Who will make decisions for me when I can no longer make them for myself?
• What sort of quality-of-life would be unacceptable to me?
• Who would I not want involved in decision making?
• What sort of life-sustaining measures are acceptable to me?
• Would I prefer to die at home?
• Would I like to have a funeral or some kind of end-of-life celebration? Would I like to have a home funeral?
• Will I be buried or cremated?
• Is there a natural burial ground in close proximity to my home?

Getting these plans in writing (and having your signature witnessed) is important if you want your wishes to be honored when you’re no longer able to speak for yourself. Our clients report that having these documents in order is emotionally and psychologically freeing. For many families, it prevents the unnecessary stress and trauma of having to make guesses and argue with relatives during a time when folks would rather be caring for their loved one or saying their goodbyes. Completing your advance directives is a gift to the people who love you.

When you’re ready to knock these out for real, so that you can get onto better things, you’ll find your state’s Advance Directives over here. You can download them for free and follow your state’s laws to have them legalized. If you find this process to be daunting or confusing, we can help. Contact us to schedule a session in-person or online via Zoom.